Life’s…complicated?

Many things have changed in my life since I’ve last written, but that’s not what this post is about. This one’s about my internal struggle of finding a passion, something that makes my life feel fulfilled, that makes me proud. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve accomplished a lot in my short 25 years on earth and I have a lot to be proud of, but there’s something that still gnaws on me deep down that I’ve not yet found that thing that’s going to make me feel full all over with happiness.

Since I was little, my parents always told me to find something that I love or I’m passionate about and then make it into a career. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is. I mean, I love a lot of things, ie my family and friends, clothes, decorating my house, watching Netflix, the list goes on. But how exactly do I make one of those into a career? I mean, I love clothes, but designing and making them isn’t really my forte. I love decorating, but I don’t think I’m savvy enough to be an interior designer. Then there’s social media…I mean everyone and their mother seems to be an influencer of some kind. Yes, it seems cool when I see them all on my insta feed with their beautiful photographs and outfits but like HOW does one get to the point of insta fame? It’s not as easy as they make it look, trust me, I’ve taken like 10 online courses on how to become one/skills you should know (no shame). I mean one of those courses was how to be a successful blogger and we see how that’s going.

Usually at this point in my thought process is where the self doubt kicks in. I start to question everything I’ve ever done or haven’t done in life and every choice I’ve made. Like, what if I went to college for a totally pointless degree that has nothing to do with what I’m doing and I wasted tons of money just for a piece of paper that makes me only seem smart??? This is typically a weekly thought…especially weeks where I make those stupid loan payments. From this point it just goes further down the rabbit hole…what if I’m just not finding a passion because I’m not creative enough? Other people have found ways of making things they love into careers, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? Am I just lazy? How do I become less lazy? (I google this question at least once a month) All this doubt just builds up and it seems to road block me every time a become motivated by an idea. Then I start thinking that the idea wasn’t my true passion if I was willing to give up so quickly and the cycle starts again.

So where does the cycle end? Well, I haven’t exactly figured that out yet. Part of the idea behind this post was to be extremely honest with myself and open with others to see if, maybe I’m not alone? Are there others out there struggling? I don’t want people to think that I’m miserable in my day to day life, because that’s not true. I live a pretty comfortable life, which I’m very grateful for. But the struggle of finding something that can support me while also making me feel truly fulfilled and passionate is definitely still real. I want to find that thing that makes me jump out of bed in the morning, which is really saying something considering I’m NOT a morning person, but how do I find it? Please don’t say soul searching because I’m not even sure how soul searching works??

I will try my very bestest to keep this updated on how my search is going. Or maybe just actually start writing again?? We’ll see, I can’t promise anything, but I will take advice from anyone out there who has been able to find that thing they wake up for. And if you’re struggling too, let me know, so I can finally realize I’m not the only one out there! Maybe we can confide in each other? Let’s be friends??

Okay thanks for reading, bye!

Hanna

4 thoughts on “Life’s…complicated?

  1. I personally think you should get into wedding planning and I have a perfect one for you to start with! Ha ha! Seriously though, I just turned 50, and I still thrive to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I know, I really should of figured that out by now. But what I’m really getting at is, it’s hard! I’m satisfied with my life, I like pleasing people, I like to be with the young, the old, with my peers, I like working with others, I like working alone, but something is missing! So my best advice is to keep trying new things, don’t talk yourself out of stepping out of the boundaries, and continue to smile and laugh through it all. I for one, will always be cheering you on!

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    1. Thank you Brynn for the comment! I might have to try out the wedding planning 😉 but I think I’ll definitely be focusing on enjoying the moment but also to just keep pushing myself. I think this post will really help me keep myself accountable to keep trying!

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  2. Hanna, I loved this article! I have struggled with these issues for many years. I think I have found a way to balance both feeling fulfilled, finding my passion and earning money to pay the bills! I like my job but know that it is not curing cancer, saving the environment, revamping the education system, or feeding the hungry and housing the homeless. So in order to feel like I am making a difference and feel fulfilled I help people in need. How many times do our paths cross with someone who is in a tough spot? Instead of thinking that one person can’t make a difference, I have decided that one person CAN make a difference and am so glad that I have done it over and over again. I now feel content in knowing that I have stepped up when someone needed help, a friend, a ride, a meal, some money or just someone to listen. It is all a part of finding balance in your life, and it is so very Important to enjoy and appreciate that balance. It is still about finding your passion, but maybe it doesn’t need to be in the form of a career change, maybe just a shift in what you do in some of your spare time!

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    1. Thank you Sue for sharing! I agree with the balance, I find it hard to balance work, friends, responsibilities, etc. and it’s something I’ll have to continue working on, but I’ll get there! I also agree helping people is a great way to feel fulfilled. There’s no cost to even just being nice to people and that can make the biggest difference to someone who may be struggling!

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